Right so it's been like a month since I've posted.

Well I graduate high school in a week and a half! Finals at the end of this week, I may actually study some, though I only have three real classes with real finals so it should be pretty low key. just trying to finish everything I need to finish.

Prom was May 30th and it was pretty damn fun. I'd gotten Padfoot, Zoe, and Sally to go dress shopping earlier so we all looked fantabulous! Mr. Bombadil looked spiffy, as did the rest of the guys. And everyone actually danced! yeah I'm awed too. We got our pictures back to day. Tom's an entire head taller than I am. Padfoot you looked so pretty! and thanks for doing my makeup. 

On a quest for yearbook signatures, and a hero quest with star wars for AP Lit, my brain works funny. So the yearbook cover was super fugly cause they wouldn't use any of the student art work cause "it infringed on the copyright" (the themes where the wild things are) so they put a totally lame elementary beach design on it, but then inside they just use the pictures straight from the book! makes me mad, and sorta sad, cause the student covers were kick ass.

but yeah it's all winding down and life's about to start. Take a deep breath, hold my hand, lets jump.

 So I've been very bad about updating this thing. I haven't written since before Joshua Tree so that is where I'll start. Joshua Tree desert park earthroots hippies campout 2 days fun rock climbing. Right all that means that I spent the weekend in Joshua Tree with Tom, Snape, my mum, and Earthroots Field School! I had fun except for my mum being extra touchy weird mom. But Tom got to come! which made my weekend! and there was rock climbing which was epic fun and i was called spider monkey several times. 
AP tests this week so I've been drawing away and am on my last piece finally! 
Right this weekend Fri: saw Tom went hiking, followed an unmarked trail it was awesome, it led up a hill, through this shadowed glen by a rock wall that was really green and cozy, then all the way up the hill, awesome view. Sat: X-MEN with Padfoot and Prongs and Snape, then hanging out at padfoots, I love history and backstory stuffs! and even more when i get to hang out with people! Sun: tulle boat launching, so that boat i helped build outta reeds got launched! and Snape and I spent most of the day with Evan. Chase, and Shane, these 3 hippie brothers, Evan works at Earthroots with Snape, and the others help out once in a while, ages respectively 21,19, and 16, We played hacky sack at which i magnificently failed, once I slid and fell on my ass, then we all went on a barefoot hike, walked up a creek bed lots of soft moss to walk on and squish, found a geo catch in a tree, something that dorks do with gps and we found it without, we wrote with plant dye that we found it without gps cause we're crazy hippies who climb trees and don't use gps, and improvise writing implements. So that was the weekend..
Oh and the wednesday before all this I went to the park with Padfoot and Zoe and Morgan for a picnic, it was great fun, I made those roasted nuts that everyone loves, and brought salad, while Padfoot made sandwiches for us and the others brought liquid. Zoe and I made up a new hobbie: tree contemplating, it's basically could watching for those clear-sky days except with trees, it felt like being a kid again carefree swinging away racing to the top of the rocket ship
Love ya all!

 Yeah so it's been a while. Well it's the middle of Passover which means NO BREAD or grain products, really hard to follow. And there was a horrible Passover accident! One of the observant families in town was burning their left-over bread and their grill exploded and over half the family got burnt. My mum had our family over for first seder (dinner) and i guess it was kinda cool because my brother and older guy cousins were nice to Tom (Bombadil), and this one cousin who was a dick to him at Chanukah apologized kinda in that guy way where they can't admit they were wrong. but yeah so happy. Oh, it's my spring break so that's happy I can catch up on sleep. But i've been going to bed really early, and waking up semi-early too. Right Prongs's birthday was friday, so we hung out but it wasn't her "real" party it was a lets just hang out and walk around party (Snape wrote a really cool poem about it). Real party last night went to sushi with her dad, got her a fantasy art book and gave her Queen's Greatest Hits. hung out some more kinda cool (kinda's an understatement). Saw Tom today and yesterday, He's taking his EMT class midterm, right now! I helped him study and now know the six types of shock by heart. so yeah that's it basically just thought i'd let you guys know what was up. Love ya

 Yeah so it's been a while since I've posted so:
TOM'S A FIRE FIGHTER (sorta) He passed his physical agility test, and has a shiny new card that says he's a california fire fighter. But he kinda needs to be hired..... but it's super exciting! and I'm really proud of him! and happy for him!
SNAPE ASKED MR. AUGUST OUT yay snape! happy and proud of you too!
PADFOOT FINALLY RETURNED THE FAILED CHRISTMAKAH PRESENT woo hoo now we just need to turn around and spend that money on a new christmakah gift as well as a birthday present
AND I GOT TO SEE PRONGS AFTER LIKE FOREVER 
OH, AND I'M ACTUALLY WORKING ON A PIECE FOR ART, FAST
though you guys kinda knew all this but I needed to focus on the positives, cause I feel lost and overwhelmed with the whole graduation/college thing. Love you all thanks for being there

 Yeah so the weekend was pretty awesome. Saturday Prongs picked up everyone from jew church and we spent a glorious day gorging on food and movies. I fell asleep early though, cause I've been doing that alot, and cause I had to wake up early the next day to meet Tom. Yeah so, TOM TOOK ME TO HIS CIVIL WAR REENACTMENT! Which was pretty cool. all these guys in costumes, though I dispute the word costume cause their real clothes just old fashioned, muskets and cannons, oh and horses all over the place, and I kinda got in for free which is awesome. Then we came home to laguna and just lounged around. 
I'm so fed up with school. June needs to get here now! Tom's sick so he's a bit touchy. so when i saw him on monday he was all "I don't know what the future's gonna be like" and saying how he might have to move away, then after inviting me to go with him, kinda getting mad when I said of course I'd go. I mean intellectually I know that it's stupid to make one person your world, and put all your hopes for happiness on them, but when you've already done it what then? I don't think I could survive without him, and I know that makes me sound like Bella-of-the-evil-Twilight, but it's true. If he dumped me, I'd go numb, you guys would probably pull me out of it with time, love, and lots of patience, but it would kill something in me. And if we were separated but still loved each other that would be worse. 
Sorry, I guess my mom's right we've been depressed so long it feels normal, and I only ever realize it when I look back on what i write or truly think about it. 
You guys keep me sane. 
Thank you.
Love you guys.

 Yeah so another week past, guess i should fill you in. Been buried under a mountain of school work, mostly cause I procrastinate horribly and end up doing everything in one night, but also because my teachers don't seem to understand that i have other classes, oh well. weekend: friday got to see Tom, so that was happy. We dealt with some old emotional wounds so that was painful, but I feel necessary and cleansing. Saturday: got to leave temple early to help katrina with her scholarship video, which was great-hysterical-laughter-filled-fun, even though we all got sunburned (thank goddess for being naturally dark, i just got a tan). Sunday: I had to go to my grandparents because it was my grandmother''s and my uncle's birthdays the past week, so that means huge family gathering, where Snape and I act emo in a corner, until our brother shows up then we tag along with him (many stories of bar fights), and our crazy bi-polar, stoner aunt was there too. And what could make this day any better? Scholarships due the next day, oh and Tom was free, but I couldn't see him cause of my crazy relations!
Anyway school this week has been hell! It's just not fun and I can't wait to leave! OH, and that also caused a slip of my sanity today, so stressed about college and scholarships and stuff I've decided not to bother, Why go to school when you're unmotivated, have no grand aspirations, or feel totally lost? So I'm just going to junior college, or I may just take a year off. Cause truthfully the only things I want are to stay sane(ish), warm, and fed. Oh, and a little independence. Uggh, I'm such the good girl huh? I always do what I'm told. I'm always quiet, respectful, and reserved. I don't know how to deal with my problems. I just bottle it all up and stay quiet and no one realizes how much is wrong. Damn, that's not healthy. And now this has turned into one long depressing rant, but I needed to get some of it out. so thanks for actually reading.
Happy Notes: This weekend I get to see people! Saturday party at Prong's! (I've missed you! haven't seen you in like two weeks!) And on Sunday Tom's taking me to a civil war reenactment! super excited!

A
- Available: Nope : )
- Age: 2 1/2 months till legality
- Annoyance: stupid, ignorant people
- Allergic: nothing that i know of
- Animal: leopard
- Actor: Dom Monaghan, Billy Boyd, Orlando Bloom, Elijha Wood, everyone form Lord of the Rings

B
- Beer: no thanks
- Birthday/Birthplace: May 11, Saint Annes St. Laguna.
- Best Friends: Lynsey, Aurora
- Body Part on opposite sex: Laura got me started on abs
- Best feeling in the world: being around those you love
- Blind or Deaf: Blindness would be kinda cool for the other heightened senses but it would kinda screw me for the whole art thing, so deaf
- Best weather: Rain or Shine
- Been in Love: Yeah
- Been bitched out?: Yeah
- Been on stage?: Yes
- Believe in yourself?: on and off though alot more lately
- Believe in life on other planets: gotta hope
- Believe in miracles: hmm... don't know
- Believe in Magic: yeah, though what you want to classify as magic is debateable
- Believe in God: I believe in a Creator
- Believe in Satan: no the potential for evil is in us all, don't blame an external force for your faults
- Believe in Santa: i'm jewish.
- Believe in Ghosts/spirits: yeah... ish
- Believe in Evolution: yeah

C
- Car: i need to get my permit
- Candy: until i start to feel sick
- Color: green
- Cried in school: yeah (i hate counselors)
- Chocolate/Vanilla: both with raspberries
- Chinese/Mexican: depends on my mood, though there is definitely a hereditary bias towards Mexican
- Cake or pie: cake... but pies good too, depending on the kind
- Countries to visit: spain, greece, israel, new zealand

D
- Day or Night: both
- Dream vehicle: gypsy carriage
- Danced: Bellydance!
- Dance in the rain?: yeah
- Dance in the middle of the street!: yeah.
- Do the splits?: almost

E
- Eggs: not often
- Eyes: dark brown.
- Everyone has: problems
- Ever failed a class?:  no

F
- First crush: Justin, kindergaten.
- Full name: Rachel Ann Goldman Dorado Bernal Dassa Zorro Cohen
- First thoughts waking up: leave me alone, more sleep, shut up stupid alarm. or it I'm gonna see people: When are they gonna get here hurry up I miss you
- Food: is amazing

G
- Greatest Fear: failing myself and those around me
- Giver or taker: can't be one without the other
- Goals: survive
- Gum: not mint!
- Get along with your parents?: Love my mom, dad's a different story
- Good luck charms: those bits of jewelery i collect of that people give me

H
- Hair Colour: black - everyything in between (mostly brown) - red
- Height: 5'1" maybe another half inch
- Happy: when I'm around people I try to be
- Holidays: Halloween and Chanukah
- How do you want to die: living life
- Health freak?: wanna be vegetarian who loves sugar
- Hate: try not to

I
(In guys/girls)
- Eye colour:  hazel, but anything you can drown in
- Hair Colour: I think dark is pretty but in real life I tend to go for blonds
- Height: not too tall
- Clothing Style: practical
- Characteristics: intellegent and accepting
- Ice Cream: as long as they share i don't care what kind, execpt no nuts in it
- Instrument: guitarists are hot
- Jewelry: a necklace or two is cool
- Job: whatever makes them happy

K
- Kids: I'm already "mom," someday
- Kickboxing or karate: karate
- Keep a journal?: Livejournal

L
- Longest Car Ride: here to dutch flat
- Love: is terrifying, and the single greatest thing that exists
- Letter: f
- Laughed so hard you cried: yeah
- Love at first sight: I think love needs time to grow, attrction at first sight seems suitable

M
- Milk flavour: Chocolate hemp milk
- Movie: Lord of the Rings
- Mooned anyone?: no
- Marriage: probably one day
- Motion sickness?: not until recently, i've been getting carsick while reading 
- McD's or BK: eww

N
- Number of Siblings: 2
- Number of Piercings: 7
- Number: 111

O
- Overused Phrases: happy, shiny, ohbekaybe
- One wish: simplicity
- One phobia: medical needles

P
- Place you'd like to live: in a tree
- Pepsi/Coke: root beer
- Past reincarnation: a native american

Q
- Quail: what's that feather on their heads for?
- Questionnaires: sometimes fun

R
- Reason to cry: pent up feelings
- Reality T.V.:  no more tv for me
- Radio Station: 94.9
- Roll your tongue in a circle?: yeah

S
- Song: "Hall of the Mountain King" - Apocalyptica performing E. Greig
- Shoe size: 6 1/2 - 7
- Sushi: haven't had for a while
- Skipped school: no
- Slept outside: Yeah! I convinced people to do it with me, was really fun
- Seen a dead body?: Yep but not human haha
- Smoked?: like once
- Skinny dipped?: no.
- Shower daily?: No, every other day or so works for me.
- Sing well?: I would like to think so, boyfriend tells me so, sister says i should never sing
- In the shower?: on occasion
- Swear?: yep though I'm trying to cut down
- Stuffed Animals?: I'zz got a bear and a purple mouse!
- Single/Group dates: only ever been on single
- Strawberries/Blueberries: raspberries
- Scientists need to invent: nothing more...

T
- Time for bed: When I'm tired.
- Thunderstorms: I miss them
- Touch your tongue to your nose?: No

U
- Unpredictable: once in a blue moon
- Under the influence?: nope
- Understanding?: I try and am told so

V
- Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts
- Vegetable you love: potatoe, carrots, pepper, clover sprouts
- Vacation spot: beach 2 mi west, redwoods, sequoia national park

W
- Weakness: not sure....
- When you grow up: just want to be fed and warm
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: I dunno... katrina?  
- Who makes you laugh the most: Padfoot
- Worst feeling: disappionting someone you care about
- Wanted to be a model?: for art/photo class
- Where do we go when we die: on your next adventure
- Worst weather: freezing
- Walk with a book on your head?: yes

X
- X-Rays: radiation isn't cool

Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: flowers strung in long hair

Z
- Zoo animal: kowala?
- Zodiac sign:  Taurus, Sheep 

LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you?: Prongs 
2. Last person to see you cry?: Tom Bombadil
3. Went to the movies with you?: Snape and  Prongs
4. You went to the mall with?: Snape and Prongs
5. You went to dinner with?: Prongs, Snape and Padfoot
6. You talked to on the phone?: my mum
7. Made you laugh?: Padfoot

 So basic update on life: Ski Week=no school=happy but also=not being 'round people=melancholy. Though I shouldn't complain cause I do get to see my friends.... even though Padfoot is in Hawaii (get back soon), oh and I get to see Tom too, which is beyond ecstatic. Lots of work I should be doing: portfolio for college, portfolio for AP, scholarships, camacake.....
OMG Tom and I made pancakes! and they were yummy! Oh and he's making me a cake! Yeah he's perfect (for me) (and I'm sure this will make Padfoot approve of him even more).
Oh, saw Underworld 3 yesterday with Prongs and Snape, nude bloody lycans and vamps what more can a girl ask for? 

Hi! been a little while, so....
The weather is lovely, horrible, there-to-spite-me rain, I mean I love the rain but I was sick for like all last week, so this means i can't run around in the rain half naked, like I want to, 'cause I'll just get sick again, and that would suck.
Got to see Tom this weekend which was extatical, but he was up here the tuesday and wednesday that I was dead (a.k.a. too sick to go to school) and that was sad, but yeah weekend... Tom's life is kinda messed up just now, so he ended up spending friday night at my house, (I know it's amazing my mom let my boyfriend spend the night!) of course totally chaste, cause we're not creepy and don't have sex while our families are home (coughsammeyerscoughcoughakacreepyjewkidcough), not that we have sex when their not there either.
Everyone not talking about sex in here everyone else elsewhere, right back on track, weekend... sadness I knew everyone wanted to see Coraline, but I never found out when we were gonna go, until friday morning after I already said i'd see Tom, sadly i cannot be in two places, So I saw tom on friday and saturday, and saw padfoot and prongs on sunday, there is some order in the world and it's been working for me. So Tom is awesome, and my friends are awesome. I love them all. Thing about love it's damn scary, as well as the best thing in this universe. It's just you give the keys to your heart and soul to someone and you have to trust that they won't throw them away, and break you. Like jumping out of an aiplane and hoping that you'll be alive or able to walk after, (imperfect metaphor but you get the idea).
Coraline was cool.
Working on Camacake Gaiden character designs.
Had alot of jews over saturday night, which means lots of food, leftovers for lunch all week.
Love ya guys peace out!

 Yeah so it's been a while....
Last Semester of High School, oh yeah I made it, just have to finish. But I'm so sick of it.... 
Deadlines: College Applications
                     Scholarship Applications
                     AP Registration
                     some other things I can't think of, but my point was that I'm stressed from so many things that this society dictates i do in order to succeed, and i have no desire or inspiration to do. Wanna disappear with me? Gonna ditch this little town as soon as I graduate, but I fear I'll have to come back. 
To do list: get my driving permit
                  get a job
                  save $
                  graduate
                  move out
It's so weird to think that we'll be joining "the real world" in six months, school was supposed to prepare us for the real world, but I think it just segregate us from it and now the prospect of joining it is so intimidating, I mean our childhood was a farce, if we've never had the chance to be kids how are we supposed to be adults, we're stuck in limbo. There are so many things i've never done, like making a fort out of stolen lumber, finding a "secret" cave, skinny dipping, breaking a bone, all the stupid little things that make life worth living.
I've got some of the best friends around and though we have our differences, you guys have always stood by me, i just hope that we won't let that die. I've gotta get away, but i'll always come back to you guys. (Wow i sound so sentimental) Hanging out, watching Dr. Who, laughing, seeing Snape explore a new obsession, sleeping outside with Tom, these are the things that keep me sane so thanks guys.